A Writer’s Christmas List

1.  A lie-in

2.  Breakfast sherry

3.  A magic pencil pot full of sharp 2Bs

4.  Mince pies

5.  Old book smell to be wafted over your desk at pre-set intervals

6.  A better memory for names

7.  A stack of intelligent questions to ask if you ever meet your writing idols

8.  Lots of plots

9.  Prose analytics set up for the laptop trash folder, to reject perfectly good sentences thrown there when you are at the Hate Everything stage

10. Being able to pirouette en pointe

11. New words

12. Taller legs

13. One of those sticky kisses from my four-year-old she then wipes off my cheek with her sleeve

14. Hand exercises that let you type for days at a time without cramps

15. A personal shoulder/neck masseur standing by at all times

16. More time (when a deadline approaches)

17. A self-cleaning house

18. Coffee on tap on your desk

19. Part-time children

20. Guilt about how your wish-list should be more selfless

21. World peace

22. Less time (because you work better under pressure)

23. Appreciative yet critically astute readers

24. Family who don’t ask ‘still writing that book then?’

25. Inbuilt wifi breathalyser triggering an ‘Are you sure? Are you pissed?’ dialogue box to delay  online communication

26. Professional hair

27. Adverb hunting antennae

28. A machine to harness kinetic energy from mood/confidence swings

29. Funnier braincells

30. Bravery to answer the door in pyjamas

31. Words

32. Words

33. Words

Have I missed anything?