Earth reboot sketch
WORLD NEWS STORY: IMPENDING NUCLEAR WAR
NARRATOR: Sometimes, even God needs a holiday. And while we know she can multitask like a – well – god, her angels don’t quite have the same management experience.
GRAMS: ANGELIC CHOIR SINGING
FX: DOOR OPENS
ANGEL 1: Hi – I wasn’t too … what’s going on?
ANGEL 2: [TEENAGE VOICE WITH HIGH RISING TERMINALS] Oh, hi! Yeah, right. Cool, yeah? This simulator is so realistic!
ANGEL 1: It’s not a … [TO CHOIR] oh shut up!
GRAMS: ANGELIC CHOIR SUDDENLY STOPS
ANGEL 2: Aw – I liked them. They help me focus.
ANGEL 1: This is not a simulator. I left Gabriel in charge. Who are you?
ANGEL 2: Oh, right, no, Gabe went to get an ambrosia refill? But we’re cool here. Look – I’ve set this up for when God gets back tomorrow.
ANGEL 1: [OVER RISING PANIC] Yes, I see the nuclear warheads lined up. This is Earth, you know. The real one. Not a training simulator.
ANGEL 2: Not a simulator?
ANGEL 1: No. You’ve done all this in one week?
ANGEL 2: [PROUDLY] Yeah.
GOD: [BOOMING VOICE APPROACHES] Hello! Feel aeons younger so I thought I’d come back early.
ANGEL 1: Bugger.
GOD: [NOW IN ROOM] How are things?
ANGEL 1: Um … you know how you keep saying you’re the all-forgiving God and you’ve left your revengeful unreconstructed version behind ..?
GOD: Why do I not like the sound of this?
ANGEL 2: I made you a surprise.
FX: MANY NUCLEAR BOMBS EXPLODE. GET MORE SPORADIC, AND FINALLY STOP.
ANGEL 1: [DEFENSIVELY] I only went out for a minute, and Gabe wanted more ambrosia …
ANGEL 2: But look! It spells ‘WELCOME BACK GOD’ in mushroom clouds all over the northern hemisphere!
GOD: [HEAVY SIGH] Right.
FX: RECORD SCRATCH. SILENCE.
GOD: [CLEARS THROAT] Let there be light.