Peter Rabbit litigation sketch
INTRO: Sony is under pressure to apologise after a scene in the new Peter Rabbit film shows a character who is allergic to blackberries being pelted with the fruit. Because of course the original books had no violence in them at all, and at no time was Peter’s father killed, butchered and eaten by Mr McGregor to give Peter a believable narrative impetus. Honestly. Modern kids need to toughen up. Anyway, an emergency meeting has been called at Sony to deal with the situation.
STUDIO BOSS: How bad it is?
UNDERLING 1: We’re dealing with 360-degree incoming.
UNDERLING 2: Obviously the Blackberry Growers’ Association are suing.
STUDIO BOSS: Yeah. Settle. Whatever it takes. What about the Ribena guys?
UNDERLING 1: Er – they’re blackcurrants?
STUDIO BOSS: I knew that. Thank god. Love that stuff. Next?
UNDERLING 1: Other blackcurrent drinks are available.
UNDERLING 2: (UNDER BREATH) They’re just a bit shit.
STUDIO BOSS: Focus, people. Next?
UNDERLING 1: On the plus side, Epipen are very interested in a product placement deal for any sequel.
STUDIO BOSS: Like it.
UNDERLING 2: We still have a three-way bidding war between detergent companies offering to remove the blackberry stains from our clothes.
UNDERLING 1: We haven’t told them it’s CGI yet.
STUDIO BOSS: What about the big one?
UNDERLING 1: Lawyers are on to it now.
UNDERLING 2: Wording is tricky.
STUDIO BOSS: It’s got to be watertight. There is no way we’re paying out to millions of people who claim to be allergic to James Corden.