Shopping bag sketch
News story link: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-29677458
ANNOUNCER: This week Scotland starts to charge a minimum of 5p for plastic shopping bags. How will this go down in a country famed for its careful economic parsimony? I’m not saying they’re tight. I’m not saying that.
HAMISH: Ah, good morning Edie! Out shopping despite the driech weather?
EDIE: Aye, Hamish. We’ve no more porridge oats.
HAMISH: That’s a very traditional breakfast you have there, Edie.
EDIE: Och, it’s for the rabbit. We have bacon and eggs like normal people.
HAMISH: And I see you’re prepared for the bag charge.
EDIE: Aye. I’m not spending more than I need to. Our belt is tighter than a crackhead’s tourniquet.
HAMISH: A fine image, Edie. But don’t you find dragging that bathtub a bit of a chore?
EDIE: My biceps were honed as a girl, when I used to help ma Da lift all our sheep to market.
HAMISH: Aye, I remember your Da. He was never one to pay out on a trailer. You and your sisters were famed for your power:weight ratios.
EDIE: And I see you’re not planning to pay either? You’ll never get that balloon into the supermarket. What’s it filled with?
HAMISH: Hydrogen. Aye, it does tower over our heeds, right enough. But to get the lift, you see, you have to think big. I can fit all my shopping into this basket and not have to carry it home!
EDIE: But surely to god you shouldn’t be smoking, Hamish?
HAMISH: Ach, we’ve a breeze. It’ll be ok. See you later then, Edie.
EDIE: Aye, good morning, Hamish.
SFX: EDIE DRAGS IRON BATHTUB AWAY. HUGE EXPLOSION.